Wednesday, January 28, 2009


What is Flirting? Merriam-Webster defines it like this.
intransitive verb
1: to move erratically : flit

2 a: to behave amorously without serious intent
b: to show superficial or casual interest or liking, IE flirted with the idea

3: to come close to reaching or experiencing something —IE, flirting with disaster, the temperature flirted with 100°, , a novelist flirting with poetry

Hmmm I think 2a sums up my definition. I'm a terrible flirt. A tease.
Being away from home a lot due to the military left me feeling extremely horny. I could deal with the weekend gigs but sometimes I'd be away from home for weeks while I was on active duty.

Now being married in my early 20 I was getting some everyday. Usually more than once. Then just having to stop cold turkey? Frustration doesn't even come close. I could have went the route of seeking alone time like some of the guys did, but smelling like Jergans and baby wipes did not appeal to me. Instead I started using humor and exaggerated flirtation to fill in the sexual void. I have always been a good judge of character so I knew who I could tease. I have never been written up, never had charges brought against me, never been told stop. I also have never cheated on my wife. Not a kiss, a touch, nor cyber date.

I'm not talking about a wink as someones turning away flirting either. I'm talking lingering leers, lewd comments, and perverted gestures. I do know where to draw the line. I have never touched anyone in an inappropriate manner. I accent remarks with a grin. I make suggestions with a laugh. My complements are always balanced by a bazaar comparison.
What? You want an example? Fine How about:
ME: Your Ass is fine like a Good year blimp.
Then when they look like there gonna scratch my eyes out for saying they have a big ol booty I act suprised and say
ME: What?...I Like blimps. Then grin evily.

IT works. By the end of my first Iraq Deployment all the females were as comfortable with me around as with each other. They new I was "safe". The fun part was that most would flirt back, extravagantly. So I know it's not just me you ladies can be just as crude, pervy, and downright nasty as us guys. They sometimes ran ME out of the room.

Now I don't do this so much in the civilian sector but it has become part of my character, and some does bleed through. This ends up in my writing more than anything. I do reread and edit a lot of it out. People who don't know me may not understand, and who really knows anyone on here unless your close outside of the internet.

I've always been a flirt but like so many things the military helped me hone it to an unprecedented level. Help, I'm sure my humorous flirting is what really attracted my wife, and still keeps her putting out on a regular basis.

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